being a child is cool, don't grow up: ever

eleven years ago, reading was probably my favorite pastime, second to none. i tore through books faster than the speed of light, even though that is a supposed physical impossibility. as i have grown older, my emphasis on learning by reading has shifted to spending all my free time playing video games instead of preparing my future and altogether abandoning my childhood love of stories and words. i have yet to discover the motivation for this change and i now find that i dearly miss my ability to pick up a book, sit down for a couple of hours, read it and have garnered something from it. i am frustrated by my incapability, nay, my unwillingness to return to such a productive habit. children seem to have an aptitude for learning unmatched by anyone else; the simple curiosity of life drives their desire to learn. in kindergarten, i would complain to my teacher without fail, every single day:
one day, "i'm bored!"
another day, "do we really have to spend fifteen minutes a day sleeping?"
yet again... "this is so easy!"

prior to my midyear of kindergarten move up to the first grade, boredom-filled days alongside my fellow detainees felt like a waste of our early years of education. the normally well loved 'nap time' (where i shrunk under a blanket counting every second i was wasting) felt awful to me at the time, when all i wanted was to instead be productive and press on in learning more about... anything. all i thought i wanted was to advance to my adulthood, which was actually a mistake.

my motivation to learn was at a point that it hasn't returned to since those first days in school. my childhood innocence gave way to a false omniscience; for whatever reason, i made an unconscious decision to stop caring about my education. in hindsight, i am beginning to appreciate the childhood i am taking for granted, i find myself missing that goofy five year old kid... don't rush growing up, being a child is a worthwhile experience unclouded by the supposed cold hard facts of being older. limitation on imagination is the worst part of growing up for me; my thoughts are becoming increasingly more constrained by the social construct of reality and "facts." i hope that one day everyone can be blessed with the freedom of thought that a small child enjoys.