failure?

https://www.google.com/?gws_rd=ssl#q=define+failure

so i initially planned on typing out a definition of failure that i copied from the internet, but now i can provide you with this hyperlink to google's idea of what failure is instead.

and now that you have been impressed by all the dictionary definitions of failure and how they seemingly can apply to every definition of failure ever, especially if you viewed urban dictionary's idea of failure, i'd like to introduce you to failure in my life.

last year, i auditioned for the nyssma all state ensembles on alto saxophone, where hundreds, possibly a couple of thousands of applicants try to achieve an honor received by a total of 6 people in 3 different possible groups. with an a+ level score of 99 i had high hopes that i could be accepted into this elite ensemble, surrounded by peers of whom i could finally challenge myself to make music that listeners could truly appreciate. nevertheless, i fell short of my goal, and i was not even chosen as an alternate and i was devastated, hundreds of hours of time spent working on the glazunov concerto, (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n7lhuxmud3q), a six page long solo with almost no rest, only to be defeated by a mere two lines of music after a flawless rendition of the concerto.

sight reading is supposed to be the 'easy' part of the audition, where you can relax after performing the solo you've spent countless hours practicing for. after seeing what i had to learn in one stressful minute, i took a deep breath and tried my best to create music. to my horror, i failed to play the simplistic lines and felt like a fool. how had i managed to do so well, only to find myself in a situation where i jeopardized my hard work by unlucky circumstances, given a key signature with 6 sharps and irregular rhythms.

in any case, i went in with a similar attitude this year, trying my best to be competitive and beat out every person in the state. nonetheless, i made a conscious decision to set aside my aspirations of getting a perfect score and focused on creating an environment for the judge where i would become more than a nervous high schooler, and more of a professional entertainer who performs not organized noises, but actual music where the judge could appreciate how well i played rather than worry about specific melodies and how they should or shouldn't sound.

in short, my audition last year helped me to grow as a musician to a point where how my audition goes is of less significance to me than how i feel about how i played the music that was written (or unwritten in the case of improvisation) sounded. i feel that my failure was actually my greatest success; without it i would be incapable of the performances i am a part of today.